It's raining...mules?

Since it is Memorial Day, I just wanted to share again one of my favorite stories about my grandfather.  Granddaddy served in the U.S. Army's Air Force in the second World War.  During the war, he was, at one point, helping transport a load of mules to China over the Himalayas.  During the course of the flight, the plane lost one of its two engines and began to lose altitude.  The crew needed to unload their four-legged cargo to keep the plane from going down.  Crew members attempted to move the mules, but were unable to coax them off the plane.  Granddaddy, who grew up on a farm in Mississippi, saved the plane and crew because he was the only one who knew how to get the mules to unload and successfully backed them off the plane.  You have to wonder what the Tibetans thought as mules began to rain down from the sky around them.

Spurring on Fathers - What Pediatricians Can Do

Several of my recent posts have addressed the problem of absent fathers, the consequences of absent fathers, and the benefits of involved fathers. Today we turn our attention to what my profession can do to encourage fathers to be active in the lives of their children.

The Role of the Pediatrician

It is certainly true that more moms than dads bring their kids to the pediatrician’s office. Pediatricians should remember that encouraging the involvement of the father (even if he does not have custody) will promote the child’s well-being. Pediatricians should encourage fathers to engage and have direct involvement and interaction with their children as often as possible. Fathers should be accessible, available to their children even when not directly interacting (like what I am doing as I write this post). Fathers should also be encouraged to be responsible, providing for the physical care and welfare of their children.

Not Just a Substitute Mother

Pediatricians should convey to fathers that they play a different role than mothers. They interact in different ways than mothers. Fathers are more likely to engage in play with children and this play is more likely to be physical and stimulating. Fathers influence the child’s gender role development more strongly than mothers. They also increase the likelihood of academic success.

Child Support

Pediatricians should encourage noncustodial fathers to provide child support. The child’s cognitive development, academic achievement, and behavior are all improved when fathers provide child support. The provision of child support by the father provides greater positive outcomes than equivalent income derived from other sources.

Visitation

Pediatricians can also encourage mothers to increase fathers’ access to their children.  The former spouse often poses the greatest obstacle to increased father involvement.  Forty percent of mothers reported they had interfered with the non-custodial father’s visitation on at least one occasion to punish the ex-spouse.  One study found that 77% of non-custodial fathers are not able to visit their children as ordered by the court, as a result of “visitation interference” perpetuated by the custodial parent (a more frequent problem than failure to pay child support).

Additional Advice for Pediatricians from the American Academy of Pediatrics

From Pediatrics,vol 113, number 5, May 2004 “Fathers and Pediatricians: Enhancing Men’s Roles in the Care and Development of Their Children”

Ø  Offer flexible/extended office hours to accommodate working parents and encourage their attendance

Ø  Actively encourage fathers to come in for at least one visit in the first 2 months of life, and more if possible

Ø  Welcome dads and express appreciation for their attendance

Ø  Speak directly to the father and solicit his input and opinions

Ø  Politely explore the relationship between mom and dad

Ø  Discuss the father’s opinions about his role as a father

Ø  Recognize that mothers and fathers may not always agree on how to best raise their children

l  Consider mediating discussions about these differences, but attempt to avoid siding with one parent or the other

Ø  Be sensitive to and informed about diverse cultural and ethnic values and customs regarding the role of the father

Ø  Take a “parenting history” to encourage parents to understand their own behaviors by understanding how they themselves were parented

Ø  Explore the quality of relationships between each parent and their children, as well as each other

Ø  Empower, engage and inform fathers of the importance of their involvement

l  Remind the family that dads are not just workers or breadwinners

l  Give fathers responsibilities for caring for and making decisions regarding the child

l  Encourage fathers to assume at least some child care responsibilities

l  Encourage mothers to let the father be involved and learn from his own mistakes

l  Early time alone with the child allows dad to gain confidence and develop his own style while letting mom have some time to herself

l  Reinforce dad’s support of mom

•          Explore ways the father can help decrease maternal stress

•          Discuss the normal stressors that the family will experience (decreased sleep and energy, less time alone as a couple, less individual free time, changes in intimacy and the sexual relationship, etc.)

•          Look for signs of maternal depression and be able to offer resources for help

•          Explore marital stress and discuss the parent’s relationship

•          Educate fathers about breastfeeding and how they can support the mothers’ nursing

•          Encourage dad to protect some time for mom to be alone

•          Encourage dad to take a paternal education class