Shoplifting

Since I am on the topic of funny grandparent stories and since Mothers' Day is coming up, I will share one of the best stories involving my grandmother, whom we called MaMa.

When I was very young, MaMa worked at a factory in Augusta as a seamstress.  She came home one day and told my grandfather about a rough day she had.  I will do my best to tell it from her first person perspective, with explanatory comments in parentheses.

"I stopped by J.M. Fields (a discount department store, which was a kind of "supercenter" predecessor) on the way home from work.  Now when I go shopping, I usually pick things up, look at them, and put them back down again.  Since I was on the way home from work, I had my big purse that I carried all my sewing equipment in.  Well, I was just shopping when this security guard came up to me and said, 'Miss, I need you to come with me.'  I didn't know what he wanted, but I followed him and he took me to this room and said, 'Wait here', and closed the door.

I looked around and there was another lady sitting there.  She asked me what I was there for.  I said, 'I don't know, this guy just told me to follow him and I did'.  She said, 'Well, they've got me here for shoplifting.'  I thought, 'Oh, goodness, I hope they don't think I've done anything.'  Then I realized I had put something in my purse while I was shopping.

The other lady, who was a lot bigger than me, said, 'I don't know about you, but I ain't waiting around here for the cops to come.'  She then moved a chair over to the window, climbed up, and pushed the window open.  She said, 'Give me a boost,' so I did.  She managed to get out the window with a little help from me.

I looked around and thought, 'Well, I'm not waiting here to get arrested.  I didn't steal anything.  It was an accident. If that big ol' lady can get out that window, so can I' (My grandmother was kind of a large woman herself). So I climbed up on that chair and started to climb out that window.  Just then, the man came back and said, 'What are you doing?" and grabbed my leg.  Well, I kep' trying to climb out and he kep' pulling on my leg.  I started pulling harder and he kep' holding on and he was pulling on my leg, just like I'm pulling your leg".

She told that story to my grandfather first and he was so mad he wanted to go to the store and let the guard have it.  He was ready to walk out the door until MaMa repeated that last line, "He was pulling my leg just like I'm pulling your leg" and he realized he'd been had. Over the next 30+ years she told that story dozens of times and always managed to suck people in and then gave them the punch line.

We wanted her to tell the story on camera last year before she passed away, but we weren't able to make it happen.  My written words do not do justice to her storytelling ability.